Archive for October 2011

Love – a sickness full of woes

October 1, 2011

Had you predicted those days that we would later have problems and break up, I would have dismissed you as jealous and pessimistic.

A common adage discourages against putting all your eggs in one basket. In a love relationship, the saying makes sense too – it is unwise to invest everything in someone who has not passed the test of trust.

Otherwise, you can be heartbroken to stumble on truth. Imagine walking on the same path arm in arm. Thinking that you share a common destiny with him when he is actually gallivanting in open fields of indecision.

Such is the cost of loving so much and blindly. It badly breaks you up when the relationship falls to pieces and the love you share grows wings.

To avoid such pains and costs, I learnt that it is advisable to have some sort of a strong room in one’s heart. That while you can let her open and access other areas of your inner self; the room should be a no-go zone for her.

The essence of such a room is to reconcile you with yourself. When things go wrong as they often do, you can always draw your strength from within. That means you will not withdraw into self-pity or threaten revenge or cause the world to come to an end.

I never had such a room when I faced a similar problem at campus. Like many others; mine affair was accidental. At college, I was determined to focus sharply on books.

Friends could fight and quarrel in their relationships as I remained engrossed in books. I was a ‘good boy’ who knew the essence of being on campus. I therefore resolved to shelve matters of the heart and dwell on those of the mind.

I was well aware about the comedy of love. How someone, despite mastering the human circulation system claims that his girlfriend has clogged his veins, causing good feeling.

Then, like an astronaut to oxygen supply; the fellow sticks to the girl. He will miss classes to and do everything to sustain the good feeling!

The whole college would be convinced that the relationship had been blessed in heaven. But a after a semester or two, we would prove that the affair had actually been cursed in hell.

They would begin hunting are hunting each other with a murderous agenda would puzzle everyone.

Call it love – a sickness full of woes, all remedies refusing as English poet Samuel Daniel put it. I swore to avoid it but little did I know that we do not love with our heads but with our hearts. Shakespeare even conceded it when he wrote in sonnet 141:

             In faith I do not love thee with mine eyes,
For they in thee a thousand errors note;
But ’tis my heart that loves what they despise

I stumbled on mine in the college library and she proved that some things in this world are irresistible. Had you predicted those days that we would later have problems and break up, I would have dismissed you as jealous and pessimistic.

We were always together arm in arm. We could study together, lunch together, stroll around together.

I loved so much unaware of the danger in doing so. It became a hobby to call her every day and make unrealistic promises – unconscious of the fact that I was making a big fool of myself for her sake.

Then dents began to emerge in the relationship. I realized that she had another affair – what prompted a break up. I thought it was easy – just shake it off and proceed on with life.

It however turned into a sickness. Something was evidently missing – for she was absent at the lunch table, absent at the study table, absent in the phone calls that I often received.

I could not concentrate in class. I could stare at the instructor blankly – my mind far away on a revenge mission plan. Such was the sickness I had not known before.

Just a break-up and there I was on the verge of being heartbroken. It was like the whole of feminine species had conspired to hurt me.

Of course I had contributed to the problem. I had cheated on her too – but it is normal for men to look at such matters from a biased lens. I thus cursed and vowed never to love again.

I even promised to teach her a painful lesson – what beckoned the intervention of a counselor.

As days passed, I realized that I had put all my eggs in the basket of our relationship. Slowly, schoolwork began to make sense again. Furthermore; the doomsday I had feared on losing her never came to pass.

 

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